At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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