Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
