Cold hands, warm shart.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
