The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
