is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize