Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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