how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
