I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He passed out mid-signature
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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