Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I need a beard to bite.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
