There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he thought i was a dude.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
