So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
birth control should be required to get into college
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
