And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
