oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
