I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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