Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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