apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize