Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
