i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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