Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
