Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
