My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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