whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
