we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
third nipple confirmed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
