i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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