Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
