We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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