i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
