the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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