Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
