new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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