And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is the high leading the old right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
