Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
