I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
