she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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