Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
