he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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