I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
