i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize