HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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