Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
