Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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