We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
