Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
