She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
