Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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