Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
