I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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