yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
