This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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