The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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