Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
honey bunches of taint.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
