So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
