I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
