Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize