Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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