have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
