I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
