When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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