idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
