my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
