I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im drinking this country out of the recession.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
