do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
