I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
