Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
