I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
