I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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