Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
