hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
