I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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