I can text with my tongue
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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