When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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