U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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