Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
