I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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