Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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