Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
