If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
