For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize