Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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