it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize