you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
