There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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