mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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