I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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