Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
