Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize