She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
