I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
