my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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