That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
