looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
