After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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