Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
