I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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