he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
