dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
