Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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