oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize