i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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